Rising like a Phoenix, Embracing the Demons

Wholeness can only be found through the shadow. The dark places lead us to the light.

Five weeks are coming to a close in this rehabilitation hospital. My heart is finding harmony since surgery on March 1 – which I will from now on celebrate as my birthday – thanks to the sensitive, wide-ranging, challenging therapy program here in Bad Ischl. Swimming, hiking, fitness training, massage, psychologists, yoga, ergometer – how many kilometers do I have behind me? I could hardly walk to nearby Cafe Zauner without being dizzy, when I got here before Easter. A few days ago, I climbed quite a steep path to Sirius Kogel to enjoy a lovely view of this village snuggled between the Traun and Ischl Rivers.

I feel reborn after some grizzly times and am so thankful for my brave heart, for functioning so well all these years with defects so well-hidden since my birth. Ah, so many dark secrets from the broken hearts who created me. Now it is time to come to the light, even if it is painful and frightening. To mend these physical holes is one thing of uncomprehensible complexity (deep bow of gratitude to my heart surgeons in Innsbruck), to understand the feelings enmeshed with our heart tissue is another story. The heart is more than an organ that pumps our blood.

A mystery as real as love itself. As I write these lines, the rain outside my window is loud and persistent, driven by the surrounding mountains. Incredible healing energy, raindrops like massaging fingers, cleansing me once again of my Self.

Spring, wait for me in Weinviertel! I will be home soon, barefoot and ready to curl my toes into the earth.